Happy Valentine's Day
Most people want to be contented in a relationship. Problems arise if contentment turns into complacency. When this happens, we tend to lose all sense of the small things that matter in a committed relationship. We convince ourselves that because we're present. - we're supporting, because we're not speaking - we're listening, and because we spend £100 on a gift - were thoughtful. In reality, the effort required to maintain a relationship is no different to that needed to keep fit and healthy. It should be constant, committed and unconditional. But this is hard to do unless you make it a habit.
AND ITS WORTH MAKING IT A HABIT
Here are 3 Steps to help:
Step 1. THINK about what your partner does for you every day. Even the smallest things like making you a cup of tea. Something triggered them to think about you at that moment and they turned that thought into kindness (and cha).
Step 2. ACKNOWLEDGE their effort. You don't need to make a big deal out of it (in fact, I'd recommend you definitely don't go over the top) but let them know you know. The other morning I was running late and had forgotten to iron my work shirt. Draped over the ironing board was a pair of my wife's work trousers, obviously left out the night before. Despite being in a hurry, I ironed her trousers and hung them up. Later that morning I got a text from my wife to say thanks. Yes it was no real effort ironing the trousers, I was ironing anyway. There was also no real need for her to go to the bother of texting a thank you...but she did and not only did it made me feel good, but it made me want to do more for her.
Step 3. RECIPROCATE their actions. You don't need to wait for your partner to do something for you before you do something for them. However, when they do go out of their way for you, give something back. Make them feel valued. It's not give and take, it's give and get given.
Here are some habits you could start practicing everyday to improve your relationship:
1. Make breakfast/coffee for your partner.
2. Send them a mid morning text/email.
4. At home, ask about their day.
3. Make an effort to listen without thinking about what you want to say.
4. Touch them. Whether it's a stroke of the hand, a rub of the back or a bear hug it doesn't matter...just make physical contact daily.
5. Write about them. List 1 thing they did for you that day that you were grateful for. Don't show them what you've written...in fact you can throw it away if you want to, it doesn't matter because you've already acknowledged them .
6. If you have an argument, never go to bed angry. At the very least, agree to disagree and decide to discuss it at another time. Always kiss them goodnight.
Now go spend the rest of Valentine's day making your loved one feel extra special!